I developed a craving for alcohol at a very young age. Whenever I was around my dad's family there always seemed to be some kind of alcoholic beverage around. His family would always give me 'sips' of beer. When I was around 3 or 4 years old I was visiting my (paternal) grandparents. They worked as janitors at the local movie theatre. Sometimes they borrowed small amounts of cleaning products. I found a bottle of 'whiskey' in the shed one day and decided to try it out. Of course I had to go and brag so I took the bottle that I had already drank from and told everyone, "I drank whiskey". Everyone started acting weird and next thing I know I'm in the hospital with tubes run down my mouth. Apparently the "whiskey" was rug cleaner that had been poured in a small whiskey flask.
I recovered, but still had not lost the craving for alcohol. For some of you elders out there, you probably remember when doctors still used glass oral thermometers. These were always stored in alcohol between uses. The nurse would rinse it before placing it in my mouth, but it still had the taste of alcohol. I think I was the only little kid that loved this taste! As I got older, I would sneak paper cups of my (paternal) grandmother's wine. I even got a bit tipsy occasionally. By the time I was 14 I was ready to "party" with the tough kids. We found booze wherever we could find it. Back then my favorite was cherry vodka, but I always loved my beer. For most of my childhood, my (maternal) grandmother had kept me 'safe', but it was at this time my dad decided to move to Arkansas and take us with him. I started hanging out with kids that I would have never hung out with back in California (grandma wouldn't have allowed it). I had a lot of "fun" becoming a 'wild child'. After moving back to California, a year later, I found 'new' friends to party with. I played around with pot, tranquilizers, and speed.
By the time I was 18 I was tired of being an irresponsible brat so I joined the Navy to 'straighten' my life out. It was at this time that I gave up 'pot' and drugs. I tried to give up the alcohol...but it was soooo easy to get once I was in the Navy. All of the clubs on base allowed you to drink beer if you were 18 or older, even if the legal limit in the state was 21. I managed to separate my "party self" from my "work self" pretty successfully. I was learning to become a 'functional' alcoholic! I'd work all day and party at night until the clubs closed, then start all over again the next day.
In the fall of 1979 I met the man that I would spend the rest of my life with. I slowed down my alcohol consumption, but still imbibed regularly. When I got pregnant with our first child (Jason) I stopped drinking and smoking. After our son was born we would have wine in the evenings or an occasional beer after the baby was asleep but I was now out of the 'party' mode. My second pregnancy was also alcohol free.
I left the Navy during my second pregnancy ready to be a 'stay-at-home' mother. I really admire all the wonderful women out there that are successful at this. I really sucked at being a full-time Mommy. As my first child got older he was more and more difficult to manage. I enrolled in the community college full-time in order to save my sanity. It didn't help much, I got nearly daily calls from daycare regarding Jason's behavior. I was at a loss to figure out what I was doing wrong. I started medicating myself with beer. It was the 'perfect' tranquilizer for me. By the time Jason was in first grade I was up to a 12pack a day. It was at this time I finally decided that I may have a 'drinking problem'. I sought professional help and managed to quit drinking and lost 80 pounds as a bonus.
This lasted from 1986 to 1991. By 1990 I was working as a Senior Accountant at a company I loved. My husband was still in the Navy and we were about to move to Washington state. I hated leaving my job so much, I convinced him to retire from the Navy so we could settle down in the San Francisco, Bay Area. We bought our first house and settled down in Hayward, California. Once again my world was shifting... for the previous 10 years of our marriage, my husband was an occasional visitor. Most of the 1st 10 years he was stationed on ships and spent a lot of time deployed. Now I not only had to deal with my kids, I had an adult to deal with on a daily basis.
In 1991 I resumed medicating myself 'to calm my nerves'. The medicating process continued until 2001 when I got so sick of myself I said "ENOUGH!" By this time I had become borderline agorophobic and was battling with MS. In February 2001 made plans to meet some friends for lunch on a Saturday. When Saturday rolled around I couldn't make myself go, so I called them and said I was sick. I really just wanted to stay home and drink beer. Well, I stayed home but I didn't drink and haven't drank since. I suddenly experienced an epiphany. After I hung up the phone I sat on the sofa and cried from shame and the realization that I had buried my head in the ground for so many years. Larry and I were still married, but I had started sleeping on the couch the previous year. I was pushing him away. With my 'new found' sobriety, it was like someone had finally turned on the lights and I could see things that I couldn't see for years. I have an amazing husband... he is the kindest, most caring person that I know and I'm so glad that he stuck with me through all of the fog. I love him so much.
Next time a little kid asks for a taste of beer... Just say "No". It's not cute and it could start them down a road that is nearly impossible to navigate safely
Love you. Keep up the good work
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