A Year of Loss, Heartbreak, and Searching for Hope

This year has been the hardest of my life. On May 5th, I lost Larry, my husband, my rock, and my partner for life. His passing left a gaping hole in my world—one that no words can fully describe. Grief is relentless, and every day since then has been a struggle to find my footing in a world that no longer feels familiar. As if losing Larry wasn’t enough, the following months unraveled even more pain. I had to put down my sweet 16 year old dog Lucy. Then I discovered that Larry’s sister and her husband had been stealing from me while I was at my most vulnerable—when I wasn’t home, & when I was grieving. I lost more than material possessions; I lost family, trust, and any sense of security I had left. The betrayal cut deep, and with it came another layer of grief—the kind you feel when you realize the people who should be there for you are the ones hurting you the most. It wasn’t just things they took from me; they took my faith in the bonds that tie us together. In August, I faced yet another devastating loss—my big ‘sister,’ a person I loved dearly, was gone. Each loss feels like another weight pressing down on me, making it harder and harder to breathe, to think, to keep going. The compounding grief has taken such a toll on me, both physically and emotionally. Some days, it feels like I am unraveling under the weight of it all. I wish I could say I’m finding my way through this pain, but the truth is, I’m still searching. Grief has a way of taking not just the people you love but also the hope you once carried. I’ve lost hope on many days. I’m struggling to find a way forward, to piece together what’s left of my life when so much has been stripped away. The hurt feels endless, and I feel like I’m drowning in it. But as broken as I feel, I’m still here, writing this. Maybe there’s some small flicker of hope in that—maybe the act of sharing this pain is a step, however small, toward healing. I’m not sure. But for now, this is where I am: raw, heartbroken, and searching for some way to keep going in a world that has shown me so much loss.